Dad

  A few weeks ago I was listening to a podcast by James Dobson.  The topic was how children need their fathers.  I was thinking even at the age of 32 I still need my dad.  I still get butterflies in my stomach when my dad says he loves me or he is proud of me.  I can see it with my own children.  They long to have Kevin's approval.  Kevin told McKenzie the other day how she looked pretty in her new dress.  She had a grin from ear to ear.  My sisters and I decided we wanted to share a few memories about our dad.  He is just the cutest thing ever.  He loves his girls and his girls love him.  So here are some memories/favorite characteristics about our dad, Harold Tull.  I'll go in birth order.

Stephanie is the oldest sister.  She is married to Scotty.  They have three children, Zac, Spencer and Emery. 

Memories of dad??  I have at least 29 years worth ( ok maybe 45, but lets not bare all the family secrets) Sorry Steph! Had to include that! I know this is weird, but when dad would get home from work, me, mom,and Rachel(then Katie was not born) would pile up on the bed while he changed in the closet and we would usually spend an hour or more talking about our day.  This was the favorite time of my day and I always felt safe. (unless I had done something wrong and they just hadn't found out about it yet) It was something I looked forward to and missed every summer.  We always ate together.  When mom was staying at home she would cook wonderful meals and then Rachel and I would fight about how the other one was not cleaning up the kitchen the best.  When mom worked, we went out to eat and I loved that because we would have the most meaningful conversations about everything imaginable.  There are way too many individual memories to list here.  I will say that they provided us with a good solid foundation.  They did not teach us that we are perfect kids and let us make our own mistakes.  When we did make mistakes they punished us accordingly and helped us see what we could do differently next time.  They gave me the confidence to do things that I was so fearful of doing.  I specifically remember on my first day of graduate school, I was still going through a divorce and custody battle, and knew that I was going to be the younger one in all my classes and our financial future depended on me doing well in my classes.   After I got up from the fetal position in my closet the first morning, I could almost hear my parents saying, "Get up.  you can do this and you can take care of your children with God's help!" My parents were there helping me through every step of the way.  After I graduated, I took a job in North East Arkansas.  I was scared to death!  I did not know one person and it was the farthest I had been from my family.  As my parents were about to leave after helping us move in my dad said," We can be here in just a couple of hours if you need anything at all." No matter what we are going through, my parents have taught me to do what is right, admit my mistakes and sins and after seeking forgiveness from the people I've wronged to move forward with God. Through life's ups and downs my dad has always been here for all of us.

Rachel is the middle sister.  She is married to Blake and they have 3 children, Sam, Jake, and Gabriel. 
  It's hard to narrow down one memory or quality I admire.  One that has been on my heart lately is when I was in college and working for dad in the summer on break.  That was a special time for me because we would go to lunch about once a week or so and just talk about life.  I felt like dad could read me like a book(and still can), so there was never any pressure to be something that I wasn't.  His advice and genuine interest in me made me feel like I could do anything and plus he always paid for lunch and never told me I couldn't order the $12 grilled cheese from the airport café. When I am with dad, there is such security.  I am free from burdens, because my dad carries those for me.  Even though I'm 40 year old and have children of my own, there are few places where I am more at home then with my dad,  when he is around I really like who I am, I leave his presence grounded, whole, and ready to face life- until the next time I see him and he takes my burdens so I can rest. 

Katie- Obviously you all know who I am.  I am the youngest sister.  I am married to Kevin and we have 5 children, Riley, Chris, Kenzie, Fenley, and Oliver.
  When I think about my dad I instantly go back to being a little girl and him tucking me in at night.  He would always come in my room and talk with me awhile and then pray with me.  It finally stopped when I was in 8th grade because I thought I was too cool.  I still wish that my dad could come tuck me in every night, talk with me and pray with me. I love that my dad loves my mom.  I've never seen someone love their wife like my dad.  They are best friends.  My dad one time did the 12 days of Christmas with my mom.  Some of the gifts were big, but some where just $10 gifts.  It was so much fun seeing the excitement on my mom's face when my dad would come home after work and present her with a gift.  My parents have been married since 1969.  It will be 46 years this November.  46 years!! As most of you who read my blog know, I was not the best teen.  I turned far away from God and my parents.  When my world came crashing down it was my dad that rushed to take care of myself and McKenzie.  He filled the role of dad until I met Kevin.  When I married Kevin he took Riley and Christopher in like his own.  There was no distinction made between blood grandchildren and adopted grandchildren.  Christopher reminds me so much of my dad.  If we go somewhere and the kids need to stay with someone Chris always says, " You know I'm staying with Papaw."  He adores my dad.  I love the connection that they have. We were just there a few weeks ago and my dad asked Chris where his paper bag was.  Chris looked at him with confusion.  My dad said," You know, the bag to cover up your ugly."  HaHa!  Christopher has even repeated the line to his sister several times.

Thank you dad for taking care of us girls!  We love you more than you will ever know!!  Don't worry mom, we are coming after you next!  My next blog will be about our mom, Brenda Tull.  She is a truly the woman of Proverbs 31. 

When a child wanders

I’ve dreaded writing this post….. DREADED….  So many times in life God has pushed me out of my comfort zone.  Sometimes I respond immediately, I take the plunge and then I’m so blessed by it, BUT more times than not, I don’t listen.  Like my 5 year old, I stick my fingers in my ears and say, “God, I can’t hear you or surely that is not what you want me to do!  I might offend someone, I might loose a friend, or the biggie, it might make me look bad.”  I don’t know about you guys, but I’m willing to bet that you feel the same way I do on this next sentence.  I want to look good.  No, not physically, which I do, but more so I want to look like I have it together, I want people to think, “Wow!  She is a great Christian, mom, wife, and friend.”  Who wants to look like they are hanging on by a thread??  Who wants to look like you have failed miserably? Who wants people to think they should have been a better parent or wife? Not this chick! I have wrestled with God on this one.  This is why I haven’t posted anything in a few weeks. 2 Corinthians 12:9 has popped into my head many times. 

But he said unto me, “My grace is sufficient for you, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS.”  SO, I’m standing on God’s promise that my weakness as a mom, wife, friend, Christian, and a woman is made perfect when I completely abandon myself to him.  I know there is a reason God has told me to write this post.

Some of you know what happened to us last June.  Some of you don’t.  I’m not going to go into every detail, but when I said 2014 was rough in my first post I wasn’t exaggerating in the least. Our oldest son ran away last June.  On Mother’s Day to be exact. Mom’s, I can hear you gasping now.  Yes, it was crushing.  There had been an incident that morning and Kevin had taken away his phone.  When we came home from church we were all exhausted.  It had been a super busy weekend.  I took a nap with Ollie, and Kevin had taken a nap with Fenley.  The older kids wanted to watch tv or just chill out, or so we thought.  We found an “I’m mad at the world and running away letter.”  Our hearts sank to the bottoms of our toes. Literally.  Immediately I called the police and we had some wonderful friends that began a search party. After looking in the pouring rain for 2 hours one of our friends spotted him.  We were full of emotion.  We were relieved, sad, angry, and scratching our heads at where we had gone so wrong.  It had not been an easy 2 years.  Is it ever easy with a teenager?  We had seen counselors, the youth minister, sought out mentors for him.  We questioned ourselves constantly.  Did we not love him enough? Where we too hard, or not hard enough?  Should we have given more freedom or did we give too much??  After that day we were advised by the doctor to seek out long-term help.  We did, it didn’t work.  We tried another place.  It didn’t work.  We set boundaries. They were broken.  We loved hard, it was rejected.  We did tough love, nothing.  We felt hopeless.  We felt like parenting failures, but we couldn’t just give up.  We had 4 other children that needed us and needed peace and stability. 

Kevin and I had children from previous marriages.  When we got married we thought, finally! They will have a mom and a dad and everything will be perfect and we will all love each other and it will be just like the Brady Bunch. In a way, it was that good.  Our children thrived, especially the boys.  Their biological mom literally walked out without saying good-bye when they were 1 and 3.  She was bipolar with a slew of other problems.  The rejection ran deep, especially for our oldest because he remembered her.  Just enough to hurt.  We had been warned that the teenage years could be bad.  That was an understatement. 

Let me say this, I am Judgmental Judy, or at least I was.  I remember vividly thinking to myself when seeing a parent struggling with a teen, “They just didn’t try hard enough.  They should have done this or that.” What I should have been doing was hitting my knees and joining those parents in prayer.  That’s what we should all be doing. We had some well-meaning friends and family who wanted to give advice when they had no idea what we had been through. I was hurt at first then I just wanted to hit them, like in their teeth.  My sister’s, God love my sisters, quickly told me that those people haven’t seen what we have been struggling with for the past 2 years.  No one has a clue what goes on behind closed doors.  Those parents that I so quickly judged were heartbroken, crushed, they were out of breath from constant battles.  I sat by and didn’t even offer up a quick prayer.  Thankfully, I have amazing friends that texted me, called me, brought food and left it on my door step.  I had family that rallied behind us and stood next to us. 

Before we judge someone’s situation we need to remember that they are human and they are hurting and we are commanded to love and help them without judgment or offering advice on something we have no business offering advice on.  

Our eldest went to live with his biological mom.  It lasted 4 months.  I can remember thinking there will be a day that he will see we were always there and we never left, unlike her.  I think I thought that I would have some sort of redemption when he found out for himself what she was like.  I didn’t. I was sad.  My heart broke that he had to see it. I often dream about pouncing on her the way a lion jumps up and pounces on a zebra, but then I feel God telling me I should pray for her lost soul. I do, but after I pretend I’m the lion in attack mode.  We want to protect our children from hurt, but sometimes it is to their detriment when we do.  Our oldest is still not home. He is safe where he is and doing well.  That hurts a little too.  Why couldn’t he have done that here? There has been no remorse or regret for the behavior.  There might not ever be.  I hope that there is, I pray continually that this will turn into the story of the prodigal son.   I pray he will see how much we love him and because we love him we let him suffer the consequences of some really bad actions.

Parents sometimes you can do everything right and your child chooses the wrong path.  I pray you never have to go through it.  I can’t even begin to explain the hurt. I have no words to describe it.  It is similar to watching your child walk into a busy street and you can’t get to them.  You’re running as fast as you can, your yelling their name, but they continue to walk.

Parents we are not promised that just because we raise them in a Christian home and have them in church every time the doors are open that they will not turn the other direction.  I have seen so many awesome parents that had children that wandered. Some of them have got back on track some have not.  Kevin and I are comforted by Proverbs 22:6.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. We know we raised him the way God wanted us to. Did we do things wrong? Absolutely. We are human and we did the best we could.

Kevin and I both wandered away when we were teens, but by the grace of God we came back.  Our prayer is for him to come to Christ. Every day, that is what we pray. 

So here is my two cents. Take it or leave it.  I hope you take it.  When you see a parent struggling with their child, please don’t judge.  I promise it could be you next week.  Pray for them, don’t just say you are, DO IT!!  Send them an encouraging text or note.

Fight for your children.  The most effective form of fighting is done on your knees.  Literally, get on your knees and pray for you children. Pray for all the children and teens in our world. This world is hard on them and Satan is always on the attack. We have to fight back. We have to be in God’s word. If we are not it’s like going into battle without a weapon.

 Life is rough. Teens make bad choices, it doesn’t mean they are bad people. Let your children know at a young age that there are boundaries and when they cross them there is a punishment. Then follow through. We regret not following through on our word. Always let your kids know there is nothing they can do that will cause you not to love them.  They will make mistakes, it will hurt, but be there when they come back. Isn’t that what God does for us every day??  

 

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

 

2014 was a stinky year. The waves seemed to keep crashing down on us, we would catch our breath only to be knocked down again.  BUT, not one time did God ever leave us, even when we felt far away from him, he would pull us back in.  Our hearts are still burdened for our son, but we also have a peace that is only from God.  We have become so much closer with our children at home.  We pray together for our son. At first, I hated the kids having to go through this with us, but we have to look at it as a teachable moment.  They are learning that we stick together in good times and bad.  When a member of the family gets off track they are learning it’s our responsibility to intercede for them in prayer and to always offer forgiveness.

Blended families- It's kind of like mixing oil & water

 

 

I think it’s safe to say that I didn’t sugar-coat my other posts and I’m not going to this one.  I have quite a few friends that are in their second marriages and have blended families.  They requested that I write about our experience.  The good, the bad, and yes, the ugly.  If you are struggling right now in your blended family.  You are not alone, but be prepared you need to put on your full armor and fight.  Fight for your marriage and children. Kevin and I are in our 10^th year of marriage.  It’s been far from easy, but I’m SO SO SO glad we didn’t throw in the towel!

 

My last post I left off where I began going to the singles group at FBC.  I had been attending the singles group at our church for a few weeks.  I loved it!  The people were so friendly and welcoming and they had been through the same struggles I had been through with divorce.  One Sunday morning I was very late for Sunday School.  When I walked in, Elwin gave me a hard time about being late because he is just awesome like that, but I noticed someone new that looked as young as me.  During this time in the singles group everyone was at least 10 years older than me so I was glad to see someone my age.  After Sunday school we started talking about our children.  I found out he had a son who was 4 and one that was only 4 months older than McKenzie.  It was the next Sunday before I would talk to him.  The next Sunday we made plans to get together and let the kids play.  So I loaded Kenzie up in her carseat and off we went.  When we arrived at Kevin’s house the kids just played like they had been friends forever.  We continued to get together with the singles group and on our own with our kids.  We would go to Chuck E Cheese, the park, bowling, the library, or just hang out at each other’s houses.  Kenzie also started going to the same daycare as Riley and Christopher.  So Kenzie and Chris have been in each other’s lives since they were 20 months old.  When Kevin would need to work late I would pick up the boys or watch them if he needed to work on a Saturday.  We just genuinely enjoyed being around each other and our kids enjoyed being together too. 

 

At this point, I didn’t really think about Kevin romantically.  I was more focused on raising Kenzie and I had started taking night classes at ASU.  I can remember one time I was at my oldest sister’s house helping her paint her living room and she told me that I really needed to go out on a date with him.  I was scared.  I did not want to ever go through a divorce again so at times I thought it would be best to stay single.  Then one day the singles group had a lake day.  Kenzie and I were going to ride with Kevin, Riley, and Christopher.  I had splurged and bought Kenzie such a cute bathing suit from Gymboree.  When you’re a single parent garanimals are your best friend and Gymboree was only for special occasions. = )  We got to the lake and we were about to go swimming so I took off Kenzie’s pull up because I forgot the swimmers.  Well, wouldn’t you know that she went and did #2 in that bathing suit!  I was stressing out trying to clean her up and Kevin just started helping me like it was no big deal.  He took Kenzie’s dirty bathing suit bottoms and went and washed them out. Yes, ladies he washed the poop out for me.  I was sold.  He was the guy for me.  Any man that would clean up poop and not gripe about it was going to marry me.  Kevin had already let me know he wanted to date me, but until now I just didn’t want to, I was too scared to get into a relationship.  After that day we were officially a couple.  He proposed to me, after he asked my dad, a few months later.  We started planning the wedding, but soon realized it was going to be so hard to coordinate his family in Louisiana and my family here in Arkansas.  So, we decided to elope.  I do regret not having the kids there, but it was really quite perfect other than that.  It was just us and that is exactly what we wanted.  We were only able to go away for the weekend because that was all we could afford. It was a great weekend except for right after we got married, like literally 20 minutes after we said I do, we were getting our bags out of the truck to take in the cabin.  When I was walking down the stairs to the truck, I missed a step and went down completely on my booty.  Such a graceful bride. 

 

We got home Sunday night and I thought this is perfect.  We are such a perfect little family.  We were in for a rude awakening.  See, I don’t really feel like there is a honeymoon phase in a second marriage.  You usually already have kids and responsibilities.  So when we got home, we had to dive in organizing schedules and deciding who would be responsible for what. Monday morning hit us like a slap in the face.  We were all rushing around trying to get ready.  I didn’t buy the right cereal and Kevin wasn’t accustomed to dealing with a little girl and all her delightful emotions.  It was rough.  Then we were out shopping one day and I was going to buy something, I can’t even remember what it was, and Kevin told me no!  What!  I thought who are you to tell me no!  I’ve been on my own and doing just fine and this guy was telling me I couldn’t buy something that I really didn’t need.  THE NERVE! = ) 

 

Then it came to bed time.  The boys were on a strict bed time routine. Kenzie-girl, umm, not so much!  Kenzie had been sleeping with me since the day she was born! I know, I know!  So now she had to sleep in her own bed in her own room.  It was a nightmare.  N.I.G.H.T.M.A.R.E!!!  But, she finally got the hang of it.

 Then came discipline.  Kevin will tell you the same thing.  It is just plain hard to see someone get onto your child even when they are being a little stinker.  We had totally different discipline techniques.  It was rough.  If you are struggling with this, sit down WITHOUT kids and talk about what the rules are and what the consequences will be if a rule is broken.  Be on the same page.  During those early years, Kevin and I would not back each other up.  I’m about to say something you don’t want to here.  Even if your spouse is in the wrong, DO NOT correct them in front of the children.  Wait to talk about it until you’re alone.  Heavens to Betsy, we have had many fights over this.

I’m going to be honest, and feel free to ask my husband.  He will tell you the same thing, the first two years of our marriage were HARD.  Praise the Lord we were so broke and couldn’t afford a divorce.  Just being truthful.  In second marriages and I’m sure even first marriages, you have to work at it.  Sometimes you don’t want to.  Sometimes they just get on your nerves.  Sometimes they have bad breath and fart.  Sometimes you want to punch them in the face.  You don’t do it, but you want to.  During a very rough time in those early years, I was telling my sister Stephanie how terrible Kevin was, because you know it’s ok to talk bad about your husband to your sister.  Stephanie told me that I should quit griping and be the person who made the first step.  I needed to love him even when I didn’t want to, I needed to do something nice for him even if we had a fight that morning about a child’s behavior and I thought he handled it wrong.  I needed to pray for him and love him with the love of Christ.  I kind of wanted to pull my sister’s hair and tell her to shut it.  She was supposed to be telling me that I was doing everything right and that he was in the wrong.  Well, she was right.  It wasn’t easy.  It’s not 50/50.  There were times were I pulled more of the slack and then times that Kevin did, but we had to make a choice.  We were going to stay married.  We were not going to make threats of divorce.  We were going to put God first, then our marriage, then our children.  Yes, put your husband or wife before your children.  They need to see that.  They want to see that.  It wasn’t easy, there were times and there still are times that we fail miserably.  Don’t give up, keep fighting.  Oh, let me say again, find a church home!  Get into God’s word.  Find a person who has been married awhile to talk to, or try to find a person in a second marriage that has been married awhile that can mentor you.  I promise they are out there.  One more thing!  Sometimes, especially older kids even good kids, can try to undermine your new spouse.  Try to remember two things.  Divorce was just as hard on them as it was on you, maybe harder.  Love on them and let them know you will always be there for them, BUT let them know that disrespecting your spouse will not be tolerated.  There will be times it gets really hairy.  I know, trust me, I know.  Keep doing the right thing, even when it is hard, and I promise it will be hard.  Stay in church, keep your children in church, try to spend alone time with your spouse every week even if it’s just a walk around the block.   I promise it’s worth it!  We are not perfect, we like to think we are. =) There would have been times it probably would have been easier to just give up, but I’m so glad we didn’t!  The love we have for each other right now is not some fairy tale love, it’s so much better.  It’s the kind of love that we had to fight on our knees to have, it’s the kind of love that washes out poopy swimsuits, holds onto you after you’ve just given birth to a 7 week premature baby that is being sent to ACH because he is struggling to breathe, the kind of love that helps your husband use the bedside toilet because he is too weak to stand, the kind of love that you have to hold onto each other and God because your teenager decided to take the wrong path and leave home.  Our love for each other is tattered and torn, it’s not pretty sometimes and then sometimes it’s beautiful.  But through it all God has been there every single step of the way, guiding us, cheering us on and fighting for us.  I promise he is doing the same for you!!

Seek the Lord and his knowledge, continually seek his presence.  Psalm 105:4

 

Kevin’s Notes- I always let Kevin read these before I post.  He wanted me to add that when you go into your second marriage that you bring in the baggage of your former marriage.  Remember, that your new spouse is NOT your ex-spouse. You might be tempted to start worrying that your spouse is going to treat you the way your former spouse treated you.  This is a new marriage, pray that God will banish your fears and that you can leave that baggage at the front door.  Sometimes you will have to pick up those bags several times a day and toss them on the front lawn.  Oh, Kevin also says that wives should let their husbands go hunting and fishing as much as possible.  = )

 

 

I went through the Big D and I don't mean Dallas ( Thank you Mark Chestnut for those catchy lyrics)

I feel I should say one more time that I only want this blog to be an encouragement to others.  I love facebook, but sometimes it leaves me feeling depressed.  I must be a bad mom because I am not feeding my children kale and grass fed beef.  I must be a bad wife because I haven’t had a date night with my husband in who knows when.  I must be a loser because I didn’t workout and then post a picture of me drenched in sweat so everyone would know that I indeed did workout.  I must be unsuccessful because I have not built a new home and I live in a middle class neighborhood and I have duct tape holding one of my linoleum tiles down in the kitchen. True story by the way.  I’ll post a picture later.  People! It is driving me mad.  Theodore Roosevelt had it right when he said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  I’m not saying we have to dish all of our problems out, but let’s be real.  So, that is what I want to be, real….  Sometimes people need to see our struggles, especially when you are a Christian.  What better way to minister to someone then to let them see you going through a rough time and then see God lift  you out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire and set your feet upon the rock and give you a firm place to stand. (Psalm 40:2- memorize this when you are having a hard time)  Ok, so now I am about to get really real and tell you about my divorce.

 

I usually only share this information if I feel like it will benefit someone or offer encouragement, but you guys totally gave me such great feedback for being honest and open on my last post that I am going to lay it all out there. J I’ll spare you the gritty details.  I was a teen mom.  I had McKenzie when I was barely 18 years old.  I turned 18 in December and had Kenzie-Girl in February.  I remember the day that my middle sister and I told my parents that I was pregnant.  I still have nightmares where I am reliving that moment.  Seeing the hurt on my father and mother’s face.  I still get emotional about it to this day.  I broke their hearts.  I met McKenzie’s dad when I was 15.  It was bad news from the start.  I spent over 2 years of completely disobeying my parents and sneaking behind their backs to see McKenzie’s dad. This was not a relationship that had God’s blessing. I’m always telling my kids that the choices you make now as teenagers WILL affect you for the rest of your life. My choice not only affected me, but my daughter has to deal with the consequences of my sin. Even though God has wiped away my sin there are still consequences. I married Kenzie-Girl’s dad when I was 17 shortly after I found out I was pregnant……..  Seventeen. Years. Old…………Let me step in for a moment and tell you my parents had me in church all the time.  I was raised in a loving environment.  I was taught good morals and saw my parents in a loving marriage.  I turned away from God.  I chose my way. You know because who isn’t a flipping genius when they are 17?  J  My parents made sure I was taken care of, that I had reliable transportation to drive, and that we had an apartment to live in, but my parents also let me deal with the consequences of my poor choices.  That was the best thing they could have ever done for me.  I am grateful to them for that and if anyone knows me you know when I need advice my parents are the first ones I call, then my sisters. I say that to reiterate that your child will not hate you forever when you let them suffer the consequences of a poor choice.  We need to let our kids know and feel those consequences.  You can imagine that the marriage did not last long.  I’m not going to go into detail because it was bad, very bad. BUT he is Kenzie-Girl’s father and if I talk bad about him then I’m talking bad about her because she is part of him. Obviously, I do vent to my sisters, parents, and Kevin.  Sometimes I fail and say something bad about him when McKenzie is around, but I do try my very best not to.  Ladies that have recently gone through a divorce or maybe you are going through one now.  It does get easier.  Try not to talk bad about your ex-husband in front of your children.  I know it’s hard.  I know!  Find someone who can be a Godly mentor to you that you can share your feelings with.  So by this time I am a 19 year old single mom.  Kenzie was 18 months old. I was terrified. Of course, my parents and sisters were there to pick me up and dust me off. 

God opened the door for me to get a job as a receptionist with a cardiologist in Searcy.  He was such a kind man.  I worked 8 hour days Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday and ½ days on Wednesday and Friday. He still paid me for a 40 hour week.  Again, God knew what I needed before I did and he took care of a frightened 19 year old and her baby.  My oldest sister lived in Searcy at that time which is one of the reasons I wanted to move here.  Stephanie went through a terrible divorce after almost 20 years of marriage.  Hopefully one day I can get her to write something for me to put on her because she is pretty awesome and I know she would have some wisdom to share.  Stephanie told me that I would be going to church with them that first Sunday I had moved to Searcy. I did not want to. I was so ashamed of my situation.  I was humiliated.  I was tired.  I finished my senior year of high school as a pregnant teen and worked full time to make ends meet. I was drained.  But, being the best big sister Stephanie is she met me at the door and took me to the preschool hall.  The same hall that 13 years later I would be in charge of running. God is good, isn’t he?!?  The most precious couple I’ve ever met came up to me and introduced themselves. Ross & Carol Pyeatt.  If you know them then you know you are blessed that God allowed you to meet such wonderful people. Carol was the preschool director then and Ross was the Minister of Education.  They took me in and loved on me when I felt unlovable.  After Carol peeled Kenzie-Girl off of me, I made my way to the singles department.  I was so nervous I thought I was going to pee-pee in my new pantsuit that my momma bought for me.  God bless my momma.  The most adorable man and his wife met me at the door. Elwin & Marilyn Ollar.  If it was not for these two rallying around me I would not be where I am today. These two have a heart for the divorced.  We could use more Elwin & Marilyn’s in this world! 

Some churches are apprehensive to minister to divorced people. That is not the case with Searcy First Baptist Church. This church took me and Kenzie-Girl in and loved us, they ministered to us, and they let me know that just because I was divorced that God was not done with me.  He had great plans for me and I was exactly where I needed to be.  Guys, I’m in tears right now thinking how amazing God is to me! Who am I that he would love me as his own?? While I was going through this rough time there was a man named Kevin going through the same thing, I would meet my future husband 3 months after I started going to FBC and most of you know, Kevin and I met in the singles department at church.  God is faithful.  He IS for you! He DOES love you! I love Francesca Battistelli’s song, He knows my name.  This is my favorite part of the song,

I spent today in a conversation

In the mirror face to face with

Somebody less than perfect

I wouldn’t choose me first if

I was looking for a champion

In fact I’d understand if

 You picked everyone before me

But that’s just not my story

True to who you are

You saw my heart

 And made

Something out of nothing

I’m so happy that God has chosen me and that he knows my name. 

Sisters (and brothers), if you have been through a divorce or are going through one you need to know there is light at the end of that tunnel.  God is not through with you and yes, church is exactly where you belong. I’ve been divorced a 12 years now. It does get better.  You will not be this sad forever. If you stay in God’s word and spend time with God daily you will even be able to forgive your ex-spouse.

 

Friends that have not been through a divorce. If you know someone going through one make it a point to send them an encouraging text once or twice a week, call them, or send them a card. I love getting a letter in the mailbox!  It’s like Christmas especially when it is not a bill!

 

Church- A little over ½ of our population is divorced.  I feel safe to say that this is a ministry that we need to throw ourselves into. We need to pour out God’s love on these individuals.  We need to love them where they are just like Jesus did and continues to do.

In the book “Walk”, by G. Campbell Morgan, he writes the following:

He (Jesus) met their varied needs with strong, tender words and spoke to each one a message of peace and courage.  In Matthew 9, six lives were changed after encounters with the problem-solving Savior. Yours will be too when you stop looking at your problem and focus on the problem solver.

I pray that I will meet people where they are and love them no matter what they’ve done or been through. I pray that I will stop focusing on my problems, but focus on the one who can solve them. EVEN if I don’t like the way he solves them, I need to move out of the way because who am I to question God?

Blessings,

Katie

He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147:3

I had too much to say about divorce so my next post will be about meeting Kevin, our extremely short engagement, and the trials of blended families.  Kevin and I just had our 10^th anniversary this past September.  Blended families, it does get easier, and it is worth it, but let me be a broken record.  You need to find a church home if you haven’t and you need to find a Godly mentor to help you through. 

ICU, broken collar bone, and resignations

 

Sooooo, I’m going to write a blog.  All the cool kids are doing it, I might as well too.  Let me just say straight out of the shoot what this blog will not be……  I will not be writing about fashion, unless you think Garanimals and Faded Glory is fashionable.  If you don’t know what those two things are, I just don’t think we can be friends. This blog will probably be full of grammatical errors.  We have an almost 3 year old, 5 year old, and two teenagers at home and my husband just had 5 brain hemorrhages so just look over any misplaced commas or run-on sentences. I thought I would write a blog to encourage other moms, step-moms, moms that have adopted, moms who feel like they stink at this parenting thing, and most of all give you a laugh at some of the crazy stuff I seem to get myself into.  If anything, I pray that through this blog  you can see that I am the worst sinner of them all, but that I have a God that is ok with that and he is willing to love me no matter how many times I mess up.  He knows I am a work in progress.

I thought I would write about the event that pretty much shook me to the core and caused Kevin and I to totally re-evaluate our lives.  I woke up on December 23^rd getting ready to tackle the day and finish any last minute Christmas stuff that you always put off to the last minute, then you almost have a nervous breakdown trying to get it all done.  Kevin wasn’t feeling well,  He had flu-like symptoms, but that sweet man still got up early, left the house by 6 am and then brought home donuts for the kids before he decided to go to the doctor.  I should share that I wasn’t very sympathetic to Kevin.  I was a little annoyed that he was still milking this sick thing. He had been sick on and off since Thanksgiving. I wanted to say,” Come on Man! Pull yourself together!” In a few hours I would later regret my attitude and ugly thoughts with all my being.  Wives, please believe me when I say, we should choose our words carefully when speaking to our husbands. There have been times that I have treated strangers better than I have the man that I vowed to love in sickness and in health.

  Kevin did go to an urgent care clinic that day.  They thought it was just a viral infection. I called the doctor’s office after Kevin got home. He just looked so bad. They advised me to take him to the hospital if his fever went any higher.  By 5 pm the pain on the left side of his head was excruciating. I took him to the ER. Within an hour the doctor came in to let me know they were taking Kevin to St. Vincent to the NSICU floor. The CT revealed that he had a hemorrhage in his left front lobe.  I texted my sister and parents immediately because that’s what the baby of the family does when she has a problem. 

  I followed the ambulance to Little Rock.  On the way there I called my sweet friend Kristin to tell her what was going on.  She was like white on rice getting our Sunday school class together to pray for Kevin.  Kristin and her husband Richard would later arrive at the hospital within minutes after us. My oldest sister and her husband beat us to the hospital. I cannot even tell you how I felt when I saw Rachel waiting for me. I lost it and my sister was there to help me, just like she always has. Soon to follow was my big sister and her husband who made excellent time from Paragould. Stephanie has been like a second mom to me and has always been there to pick up the pieces when life didn’t go the way I planned. Next, my kind-hearted boss and his sweet wife (who helped me deliver Oliver) arrived, followed by a precious mentor who counseled me while I was the Preschool Ministry Coordinator at FBC.  God knows who you need at just the right time.  Just so you know, my mom and dad were in constant contact with my sisters.  My mom was recovering from diverticulitis and my dad just had surgery the day before to remove cancer on his lip. Otherwise my parents would have been there within a New York minute. 

That first night was scary.  We didn’t know what the future held.  I felt like I should apologize to Kevin for every time I had wronged him.  He looked up at me and told me he didn’t remember half the things I was talking about.  God love him. I made a bargain with God.  If he would heal Kevin I would be the best wife ever.  I would always speak kindly to Kevin, I would love him the way God meant for a wife to love her husband, and I would, as hard as it may be, laugh at his corny jokes even when they annoyed me.  

After the neurosurgeon ran every test known to man, he determined that Kevin had a Cerebral Cavernous Malformation.  He was born with this malformation and the constant coughing was likely the cause of the hemorrhaging. They also found that there were 5 hemorrhages, but only 1 that they were worried about.  There is a 1% chance this will happen again.  We will go back at the first of February for another MRI to determine if Kevin will need surgery to remove the largest hemorrhage.  We are praying that Kevin’s body will reabsorb the biggest bleed.  If that’s not the case, we will deal with it, we have complete confidence God will take care of us just like he always has and always will. 

I know this is a long post.  I probably will never write one as long as this again, but let me say one last thing.  Kevin and I were really struggling with our faith.  For the past 2 years I’ve been the preschool coordinator at our church.  I’ve neglected my spiritual health to the point of burnout.  2014 has not been a kind year to our family.  We were down.  We stopped having our daily quiet time with God, we stopped praying except for throwing up a few trench prayers when we were in a big bind. You would have never known by looking at us.  We’ve learned to put on a happy face and do God’s work with a smile.  Life got messy and we bailed on God.  GOD DID NOT BAIL ON US.  Can I get an Amen?!?  If you are struggling with your faith, your church, your child, or your husband, run towards God.  Immerse yourself in his word.  Fight the good fight.  Satan is a butthole. (Don’t tell my 5 year old that I said butthole)  He will make you think that God is not for you.  He will make you think that church isn’t necessary, but just a social outlet.  He will make you think that the church you are going to isn’t doing enough for you.  You will become cynical, unsympathetic, and you will not extend grace to anyone.  Does this sound familiar?  This was me. God showed me that he is for me.  During this trial, God showered us with kind and loving people.  If Kevin and I would have squashed our sense of entitlement towards the church the first time the thought entered our heads, we would have seen the good.  One of my dear friends always says, “It’s not about me!” How right she is! So if you are throwing yourself a pity party, please learn from my mistakes! Get into God’s word, take captive your negative thoughts, and for Pete’s sake go volunteer to do something at your church. I promise God has a job just for you! If you don’t have a church home.  Start looking today.  If it wasn’t for the friendships that we’ve made at church we would be in a dark place right now. It was our church family that did what God called them to do and ministered to us in our time of need.  Oh, my title was ICU, Broken collar bones, and resignations.  So Fenley broke his collar bone while we were at the hospital. It’s a miracle he was our first child to break a bone. He is expected to make a full recovery. = )  After much prayer Kevin and I decided I needed to be home to take care of our family during this season in our life so I  resigned  from my position at church. I’m looking forward to what God has in store for our family, friends, and our church in 2015.

Blessings,

Katie

Seek the Lord and his knowledge; seek his presence continually. Psalm 105:4

Warning- next week I’m going to write about divorce, second marriages and blended families. I’ve done all three. = )